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Child Abuse	October 21, 2007, 11:01AM
by: MorningStar23
In 2004 alone, 1,490 children were killed from child abuse. This translates to a rate of 2.03 children per 100,000 children in the general population. The scary thing about this statistic is that some of these situations of abuse were reported to law enforcement officials before the child was dead. What is wrong with this picture? The law is supposed to protect us, isn't it? I didn't know any of this last year, but I knew I wanted to get my friend help. She'd come in with black eyes, bloody lips, and sometimes even an untreated knife wound. Some days she wouldn't come in at all, and those were the days that scared me the most. When she finally told me what was going on, I knew I had to get help! First I wanted to meet her mother to see how bad it really was. I went over to her house with the excuse that I needed help on a project from school, and such it was that I met her mother. Thirty minutes into our study session, her mom came in and started yelling at her with me right there! She called her every name I'd ever heard, and some I hadn't. She grabbed onto my friends neck tightly with one arm and raised the other back as though about to strike, and then looked at me. She threw her down and said 'You're lucky your goddamn friend is here or you'd be missing school tomorrow too you bitch!" I left her house that night feeling horrible. I was leaving her vulnerable to her Mother, and I felt there was nothing I could do about it. I walked into my house and told my mom what was going on. Together we called Child Protective Services, but got transferred to the police department. They sent out a squad car and we told them what happened. They went over to her house and spoke with her and her mother and then came back to our house to tell us what happened. They spoke to my friend and she told her story just as she told it to me, then they sent her away and spoke privately with her Mother. Her Mother lied her ass off that night. She told them that her daughter was always lying and running away, getting into fights, and basically the most untrustworthy bitch on the planet. The police believed her, and left my friend there at the mercy of her mother again. When I asked the police (In the most civil tone I had been able to manage at the time) why they didn't take her with them when there was obvious proof, physical scars from her mother hitting her, they said "It wasn't happening while we were there, so there was not sufficient evidence to support an abuse case." My friend was not at school the next day. Working together with my mom, we used the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) to our advantage. We managed to get more case files than we knew existed. We requested the ones only on my friends family to see what the police wrote as opposed to what was said. On the file we reported, they wrote down the exact opposite of what we told them. They wrote down that we said we thought she was in no danger by staying with her Mother, when we actually said there was extreme danger. The other case files were a plethora of information. Turns out that the Mother had been reported about fifteen times before, all ending the same way. The police leaving her alone. Over half of the times had been reported by neighbors and witnesses. The other portion of files were as reported by my friend and her sister. We did all that was in our power to get something done for my friend. I didn't want her to be just another statistic people look at with sad eyes. Sadly, what was in our power simply wasn't enough. We even brought the outstanding number of files to the attention of the chief of police for the district. He said it was unusual indeed, and he investigated, but it ended the same. Not once during the ordeal did they even take my friend out of the house for her protection. About three months later (me still worrying every day about her) her Mother kicked her out, expecting her to be back within a few days. She went to live with a friend. She was fourteen at the time. Luckily, she got away, and lived. She still has the scars to show for the lack of initiative that was shown her every time she needed help. So I ask you, what is the point of having a law in place if no one ever enforces it? Why is it that children die at the hands of the people they are supposed to be able to trust, even if they tell someone? What can we do about it?
topic: Life
[reply] [42 comments]

Rehabilitation in State Prisons	October 20, 2007, 12:32PM
by: Black_Blooded_Poet
Prison. It’s a just two syllable word. Does it send a shiver down you spine? Does it? Or on the contrary, does it do just the opposite? Does it make you feel safe? Does it? Is it comforting to know that, when there is a need to get rid of social delinquents, there is no finer solution than compacting them together in concrete boxes? Is it? Do you sleep better at night knowing that they’re locked away? Do you? Even if you’re response is, “yes” that’s fine and dandy... if incarceration is permanent. The idea of prison sentences is based on the primitive, perhaps even naive notion that if enough punishment is inflicted upon a prisoner, he/she will reform. Unfortunately, that concept does not appear to be working. The U.S. Bureau of Justice's statistics speak for themselves. Re arrest rates for the same crime recommitted are unacceptable, the highest being an average 75% for theft. Collectively 744,000 released felons face new charges within 3 years of their release. Rehabilitation, as far as prison is concerned, is defined as restoring to useful life through therapy and education, bringing a motivated criminal into a more normal state of mind. Such actions of restoration are based on the idea that people are not defined solely as criminal, and it is possible to turn a criminal into a productive member of society. The “punishment into reform policy” has quite obviously failed, as one could easily infer from the previous numbers given. This punishment into reform basis consists of a same day-to-day activity in an unrealistic social system, debilitating and skewing convicts’ perception of the real world. Rehabilitation, on the other hand, addresses the issues which instigates the criminal activity in the first place in an attempt at reintegration into society. Now I ask you, which appeals more to you: an oppressive repercussion, or a negotiative one? As previously defined, rehabilitation consists of therapy and education, and lack of education is, without a doubt, a major artery in the heart of crime. 68% of State prison inmates did not receive a high school diploma, and education walks hand-in-hand with material profits. In-prison education systems should prepare prisoners for a higher-paying job. Increasing these systems would alleviate, or at least lessen, the theft re-arrest rate, and in turn, would address prison overcrowding, which is a common contributor to the lack of rehabilitation programs. Yet, barely half of inmates take educational courses. For example, a mere 26% of state inmates complete the occasionally offered GED course. A similar paradox is ever-present in another prison demographic: drug abusers. Only 40% of drug abusers within State prisons partake in a treatment program. The number of those who actually complete that treatment is unavailable, but most likely, less than those who enter one. One of rehabilitation's objectives is to re-assert a criminal into a more normal state of mind. Mental instability is just another vein of social distortion within state prisons, with approximately 55% of male inmates and 73% of female inmates having mental health problems. So why is it only 1 in 6 jail inmates who has such mental health issues receives therapeutic treatment? These untreated mental instabilities leads to the eventual suicides of 14 state inmates per every 100,000. Punish. Restore. Punish. Restore. The most logical of the two (until another alternative to consider shows its face) would be restoration, so why is it not happening? The easy answer would be, "a lack of money," (which ironically is a root of evil, per the old cliche) accompanied by the issue of increasing overpopulation of state prison facilities. Collaboratively, these two circumstances translate into a lack of aid, both educational and psychiatric to those who would benefit most from them. On the contrary, rehabilitation not only reduces the number of re-arrests, but, by substituting rehabilitation for lengthy sentences(not completely ridding of prison punishments mind you), the state saves approximately $20,000 per inmate per year. What's not to love? So why is it not happening? Are those individuals within the justice and prison systems more comfortable that a convict can be simply tossed away for a handful of years? Are they comforted by the word "prison"? Do they rest easier in their sense of safety? Perhaps they need to be removed from their seat of power by the people who see the fallacies within their work and replaced by those who are willing to rehabilitate crime, not merely condemn it. This process would begin like any idea: it must be spread. The general population is a powerful force, especially when inspired. America is “of the people,” and there’s no doubt about that. The concept of rehabilitation over institutionalized punishment, with a little compassion, would not only create the demand for such a solution, but for those who would make it possible such as counselors, teachers, and therapists. Not all prison inmates are monsters. They’re human: flawed, responsive, and influenced. Rehab will inevitably fail for some, but what about the others? Where is the justice in taking in funds to repetitively damn criminals for their crippling pre-dispositions without aiding them? Of course, they’re all locked up in a concrete and steel box, hidden and silenced. Will you be the one to speak for them?
topic: Current Events
[reply] [5 comments]

Outages	October 14, 2007, 10:21PM
by: eon
The site was intermittently accessible and extremely slow for much of the day, today. This was due to a network failure at our webhost that has been addressed. They've informed me that we should no longer be affected by the issue. However, this issue was not related to the series of outages we've had over the past few days, which have run anywhere from a few hours to many hours in length. These outages are due to a problem actually somewhere on our server that I am still tracking. Basically, something is hanging the server up at random times, seemingly every 24 hours or so. I'm addressing this by setting up log files to monitor different things that might be related. After each crash, I'm going back through log files, looking for the cause and potentially setting up new logs to track other potential causes. Unfortunately, since the crashes happen without warning and at any given time, there's always the chance one will happen while I'm away. In which case, the server will be down for X amount of hours. Bear with me, I'm trying to check more frequently to reduce downtimes (though I do have to sleep occasionally!) and hopefully I will be able to track down the source of the failure soon. I'm also looking into some automated process to monitor the server and automatically reboot when it crashes. Additionally, I will be running some maintenance soon, sometime in the next few days. This will tie things up for hopefully no more than 2-3 hours. Thank you for your patience.
topic: Site News
[reply] [10 comments]

Affirmative Action: A very poor sollution to a very real problem	October 12, 2007, 12:18AM
by: KLOKWERKAOS
Job discrimination is a problem in the United States. Minority groups of all kinds are regularly discriminated against in the job market, a problem that continues unchecked to this day. Affirmative action has failed as it places people who are not necessarily the highest qualified applicants for a job into a position based upon their ethnic background. This destandardization of requirements not only destroys the economy but it also works against leveling the playing field for all members of a society, tilting the scales further off balance in a different direction. Instead Affirmative action does not eliminate discrimination but endorses it by placing a job requirement on the color of the applicant's skin, religious background or sexual orientation. How do we solve this issue then? There is a clear solution to this. Make it mandatory that the job application process requires a social security number and work certificate only. Do not provide additional details to employers such as age, race, or even your name (which can allow employers to infer all kinds of things about you). But what of jobs with additional requirements? What about finding a model for men's clothing or a stripper for a gentleman's club? What about requiring that a college degree or three years related experience is a necessity? Or that facial piercings are not allowed on the job for reasons of sanitation in jobs like food service? That a worker have reliable transportation to the place of business? Can we have a woman model men's clothing or a man strip at a gentlemen's club? Certainly not. This is another easy found solution. Provide a list of additional job requirements that the applicant must meet as a minimum requirement for job status. If a male clothing model is desired, place the stipulation that the worker must be male and meet the requirement for subjective superficial appearance judgements for the purposes of marketing. Could this include not hiring a black model because you intend to market to whites specifically with your clothing line? No, because the institution is a part of a public sales environment. You could not market specifically to whites because you are not allowed to sell clothing to whites only and not to blacks, hispanics, Jews, etc. An exception is of course made for private institutions (such as golf courses) who are allowed to discriminate, but inevitably will take a loss in revenue generated in a capitalist environment. This is their option and obviously when a market is open to the public, discrimination is not an option. Further this type of business is seen as counterproductive to equal rights, and thus a luxury that warrants additional taxing. It is also understood that such private institutions are generally owned by the rich who will band together to prevent such taxes, it's the one thing the peasants can count on the very rich to do; prevent themselves from taking a pay cut. This being the case, it is also understood that this article presents this as a goal to work towards, rather than an overnight cure-all to all the world's many problems. Going back to the instance of the male model, a hiring employer would be required to complete a competency course in equal rights (which is largely already the standard in most industries). This would not guarantee a lack of discrimination, but education versus the option of restriction and bureaucratic imposition is always the preferred option. If the potential male model worker is not willing to subject themselves to this kind of discrimination then they should not apply for the job and consider another career that would be more suited to their requirement preferences such as a telephone technical support representative who would not be required to meet physical appearance standards. To get to the heart of it all, affirmative action was a mistake, and as the slogan goes: "Bureaucracy; if you are not willing to be part of the solution, there is good money to be made in prolonging the problem." More institutional imposition is not the answer, rather, standardizing requirements and replacing ignorance with education will be the solution to leveling the playing field for the work force. Written by Ambassador KLOK KAOS Edited by Alex Zacarola
topic: Essays
[reply] [29 comments]

Man and Nature	October 6, 2007, 10:44AM
by: King.of.Damned.Souls
You know, I was sitting outside this morning, smoking a cigarette, listening to the wind rustle through the trees, as my dog was pooping, and I thought to myself that man has really gotten out of touch with nature. How so, you may ask. Well, look at it in these aspects: We rely on: central air conditioning and heating, man made structures to give us shelter, and electronics to give us communications and entertainment. Looking back to the Neanderthal and Cro-Magnon days, they were the true definition of survivors. Their central air was the wind, they built their own fires, or waited for lightning to strike a tree, their shelter was most of the time not man made, but was usually a cave for them to live in. They didn't have "fast food", as it is called, no. They hunted for their own food, and made use of everything. From the meat and skin down to the very bones. And the biggest issue today, pun excluded, is our weight issue, especially here in the United States. During those times, nobody was fat, nobody was overtly skinny. Everyone did their part, there were no lazy people. Anyone that was lazy was either kicked out of the "tribe", or killed and put to better usage. So I guess my point is this: We have become so dependent on man made technology and items, that we don't ever stop to appreciate the beauty of nature.
topic: Life
[reply] [4 comments]

Everything happens for a reason.	October 5, 2007, 6:53AM
by: Murderous_Breeze
I have been on this website for 3 years almost now, i have read alot of articles and contributed alot of my own thoughts and ideas. In the last 6 months i have done some searching, experimenting with different occupations and jobs, seeking whats right for me, and i have finally found it. This year has been a large turning point in my life, i have finished school and my course in Multimedia, but a last minute change of mind focused me on trying out to be a Chef, so i did. I applied for a job at a cafe, with a oppurtunity for a apprenticeship, i quickly was accepted. This cafe is located in the centre of the city, very busy and very hard paced, i was basically the slave. When a spill happened or a order went wrong i was the first to be called. I mopped floors, washed grubby dishes and put up with 2 head chefs who didnt know the first thing about respect to fellow employees. Knowing that all this would ultimatley lead to me acquiring a apprenticeship, i stuck it out and did everything i was told. But it was just getting to much. I eventually got fed up with being the only washer in the kitchen, and also the only one doing everyone elses dirty work, so i gave my boss a 2 weeks notice. Now i was back to square one, i have my certificate and advanced diploma in multimedia, but still i was confused about where i wanted to go in life. The media and design industry in Australia is only starting to take off, with very few chances and oppurtinities to make it in, unless you own your own design studio. So now i was jobless and still confused about what my true aspiration was, a diploma in Multimedia does not count for anything if you dont know anyone who can get you in the industry. So i did what 45% of other Australians do on a yearly basis, i went online to find the "dream job". I looked up all areas of my interest, from my main field, design, to other arts, science and even went as far as to contacting book producers for the book i was doing. Nothing was going good, 2 out of about the 20 places i applied for called me, the first was a kitchen hand assitant, and not ever wanting to do that again i didnt even go to the interview, even though i agreed. But the second call was very interesting, it was a call from the voluntary department at the Melbourne Museum. I applied for that for 2 reasons, the first being i love history and studying it as a side hobby, the second, was that it would look very impressive on my resume that i did voluntary work at the museum, so i accepted it. I went to the interview with 12 other older and more scientifically educated people, and i sadly did not get to be one of the 4 who made it. Where was my life going? Why couldnt i find anything for me? I was always the kid at high school who used to inspire people to make it far in life, to be better people and haver better lives, yet now i was in the situation where my life was reaching a dead end, i had no support from family, friends or anyone. Well i thought no one supported me, but one person did, the same person who was there for me since i was born, my older brother. My brother finished his diploma in multimedia to, his getting married soon and he also was planning to open up a business for video editing, design, and concept work. My brother saw that i was not satisfied with the way things were working out, so he sat me down one night with his fiance there and said to me this "Look, me and melanie are renovating a building not to far from here, soon it will be done, and that will be my studio, you want to be in the business with me?". I couldnt believe it, me in partnership with my brother? Well i said yes ofcourse, as it was my only option, and since i was involving myself in the industry i have qualifications in, it was a simple answer. I helped him renovate the building, hang up a green screen and add floor boards and plasma TV's in there, and also placing our computers in there. 4 and a half months later, im here talking to you, with already 4 clients, and we have only been open for a month. The point of this article isnt to get people involved in this website, but to realise that no matter how much you want something, its always possible to achieve it, everything does happen for a reason, whether you believe in fate or god or whatever. Im happy where i am now, and i hope this topic atleast inspires one other person out there to pursue there dream. Thanks DarkStarlings.
topic: Life
[reply] [1 comment]

Revolutionary Nominalism	September 30, 2007, 9:04PM
by: nothingmoves
Let D be an arbitrary discourse, such as scientific, mathematical, or moral discourse, and let D' be the (canonical) translation of D into the predicate calculus. So, for example, if D = mathematical discourse, which contains "there is a perfect number greater than 20", then D' contains "(Ex)(Px & 20 < x)", where "Ex" indicates the existential quantifier, the relevant domain is numbers, "P" expresses the property of being prime, and "<" expresses the relation of being less than. Define PLATONISM with respect to D to be the view that the objects which are quantified over in translations of apparently true sentences from D exist. For example, PLATONISM with respect to mathematical discourse is the view that numbers, spaces, points, tensors, groups, and so on exist. And let NOMINALISM with respect to D be the negation of PLATONISM with respect to D. Then here is a prima facie plausible argument against PLATONISM with respect to mathematical discourse: (1) Every object is spatiotemporal. (2) Numbers, spaces, points, etc. would not be spatiotemporal were they to exist. (3) Hence, numbers, spaces, points, etc. do not exist. (4) Hence, (by the definition of platonism with respect to mathematical discourse) platonism with respect to mathematical discourse is false. I say that (1) -- (4) is *prima facie* plausible. Obviously it can be challenged. But suppose that one endorses (1) -- (4), and, thus, NOMINALISM with respect to mathematical discourse. Then, here is a prima facie plausible counterargument against NOMINALISM with respect to mathematical discourse: (1)' If there do not exist any numbers, then the canonical translation of "there is a perfect number greater than 20" into the predicate calculus cannot be true. (2)' If the canonical translation of a proposition, p, into the predicate calculus cannot be true, then p cannot be true. (3)' NOMINALSIM with respect to mathematical discourse entails that there do not exist any numbers. (4)' Hence, NOMINALISM with respect to mathematical discourse entails that "there is a perfect number greater than 20" is not true (and similarly for other mathematical theorems). (5)' But "there is a perfect number greater than 20" *is* true (and similarly for other mathematical theorems). (6)' Hence, NOMINALISM with respect to mathematical discourse is false. As with (1) -- (4), I merely claim that (1)' -- (6)' is prima facie plausible. There are various ways of contesting it. What I’d like to do in what follows, however, is to introduce and briefly motivate one strategy for contesting (1)’ – (6)’ in particular. It is the following: *grant* (1)' -- (4)', but deny (5)' (and, thus, (6)'). I can only sketch the motivation that I imagine for the negation of (5)'. But the intuitive idea is to construct a "nominalistically palatable" *analog* to the canonical translation of ordinary mathematical discourse into the predicate calculus. That is, roughly, that we build a *new* discourse which suits our purposes as well as the original, but which requires no commitment to the existence of mathematical objects. If we could do this, then, arguably, at least, the motivation for (5)' would largely disappear. For example, perhaps we map every theorem, 'q', of arithemtic into the the sentence, '@q' -- where '@' is an operator acting on sentences which we understand, roughly, as "according to the Peano axioms". Then, any theorem of Peano arithemtic would come out true in our system, whether or not there were any numbers. Let me briefly discuss one of a number of technical difficulties that might be raised for the proposal. Arguably, we will wish to allow that there can be truths expressible in the language of arithmetic (say) which are *undecidable* with respect to the Peano axioms. After all, if those axioms are consistent then there are *truths* that are expressible in the language of arithemtic that are not decided by those axioms, by Godel's First Incompleteness Theorem. How might we do so? We have a number of options, I think, but the following seems to me the most promising. We understand undecidables on the same basic model as the one just suggested, but index them to ever-richer axiom sets. Hence, an undecidable with respect to axiom set A, will be interpreted by us as indexed to a new, stronger, axiom set B. And similarly with an undecidable with respect to B. One question that this approach raises is that of the significance of “semantic appearances” (e.g. that “2 is prime” seems true) in philosophical discussions of the foundations of mathematics. Another is that of the expressive resources of nominalistically-palatable “mathematics”.
topic: Philosophy
[reply] [1 comment]

Religious thought's, government concern... civil rights?	September 25, 2007, 11:19PM
by: flor.azul.8
Where does it really begin? Now days people are trying to get religion out of schools, the pledge of allegience, and organizations, but I think this is going to far. Although I don't believe that our forefathers intended for this country to be religious, I do believe that this "free" country of ours was estabished to get away from religious persecution. So why is this country based on the words and orders of black robed prostitutes that are bought with the slightest form of socialite consent? I don't think that is what our founding fathers intended. I am so sick of bing placed in America's closet, to be caged in by people who say my life styles, our life styles for that matter are incorrect. Who is to say that we are different? And why should we be shunned by our own government? Why should people who believe in something different then Jesus Christ get punished for believing in difference? Why should a kid who is a wiccan not be allowed to wear a pentacle instead of a cross? And why should they not ask a christian to take off his crucifix, why should they not ask the jewish kid to take off his Kippah? I believe these are hate crimes commited by teachers in school, and bosses at work, even by parent's who dont understand. Don't we have civil rights to believe what we want to believe? Maybe its time someone took a stand against the "normal all americans" and be different.
topic: Life
[reply] [13 comments]

	September 10, 2007, 1:46PM
by: hezekiah
In response when posed this question: "Many say that consciousness is a by-product of our physical existence; as insignificant as any random trait that comes with evolution. Many say that our consciousness is the source of a powerful energy, that can literally -form- multiple aspects of our reality. Others even believe that consciousness can, and does, ascend beyond our physical form, and exists in a seperate realm. What is your philosophy on consciousness? How do you percieve this trait within a living being? Discuss. " - sub.trash I think there is also a massive assumption that consciousness is some how linked to something greater, and almost divine. Like that the ability to be conscious (in a human sense) is of great superiority to any other characteristic of known life. This tends to lead to Anthropocentrism, as we are only really aware of our perception, and take on the Universe, and assume all other to be erroneous due to our seeming Physical dominance, what we don't take into account is the varying degrees, and relative experiences that any other living sentient organism may have. In this sense it is greatly linked into our morality, and creates an illusionary sense of ontological existence, leading to what could be serious immortality, based upon assumptions of superiority similar to that of those in German in the 1940s. Another, more Philosophical, aspect to this is the ramifications of consciousness upon how we perceive the Universe. Consciousness being our most glorified evolutionary achievement bears great impact upon the way we think, and process the Universe. For example, the idea of another, great conscious "being" is very common amongst Humans, given it's strong link to ourselves, where as we don't take into account the limitations of consciousness, and what we actually process, and what we don't. I definitely think that our consciousness is vastly limited, and I definitely think as a result our ability to understand the Universe is often drawn back to silly fallacies which centralise around consciousness. We can't anthropomorphise everything guys! Finally, I think that the very nature of consciousness leads to an assumption that it's independent, and under our control, and even exists. There is definitely some level of assumption that consciousness exists, in the sense that we have control over it, when in fact it could quite easily just be an ability to perceive ones own "mind" and then, as a result, a conclusion is drawn that we are "conscious". Our brain will react to physical situations, and will react complexly, hence why we have got so far (we have heightened brain power), except we assume an almost limitless control of this, but in fact it could be quite the opposite. There is definitely, how ever, some sort of ability we have (that we can only assume other Earthlings don't, or at least not to the same degree) have a direct method of perceiving our thoughts, and mind, and that is, obviously, what we call consciousness. I think a final point is that, again, we take consciousness as a final stage in evolution, when in fact we are not really capable of surviving on the Earth, as you might see looking around; animals that are truly capable of surviving on the Earth do so with precision, and sustainability that we can only dream of. In some ways, we are the Evolutionary fuck ups, and the rest of the Animals are perfect examples of complete Evolution. We are soon to wipe ourselves out (drastically) and take a large part of the rest of the population of the Earth with us. Is consciousness really a virtue in the long run?
topic: Life
[reply] [5 comments]

My actual story	September 10, 2007, 1:08AM
by: The_Sandman
As I sat here, yearning to find the inspiration for the topic of this paper, I was struck with a vivid and almost painful memory. It was January two-thousand three that came to mind. The night prior to the worst day ever, it was the Super bowl, and I went to a party. The following morning, I was almost shocked awake with news I never could have been prepared for, my grandfather had died in his sleep. The world stopped for what seemed to be forever. He was a healthy man, who had seen almost everything to see and knew all there was to know, and no one could believe he had expired. We, my family and I, rushed to my grandmother’s side and proceeded to help her cope with the death. This meant performing his duties around the house, consoling her, and preparing for the rest of his children to fly in. Nothing would ever be the same. We all have heroes, whether we admit it or not, who we emulate depends on what we wanted to be, and I wanted to be like him. I had always looked up to him, I am sure he knew this, and I would spend weeks with him and my grandmother soaking in all their knowledge, glowing with pride. To lose not only your relative but also your childhood hero is the hardest blow and the most painful memory for a young man. People were surprised with how well we all seemed to be coping with the loss, we all would gather around the table and recount old stories of his life, never forgetting to tell one of his old jokes, but that definitely strayed from my real feelings of the subject. I was devastated. There is no way I can fathom now how upset I truly was, no way to demonstrate how incomplete my world suddenly seemed. All I can do is remember everything as though watching the week of the funeral pass as though I was a spectator instead of a participant. Walking through a fog is a hard way to be passing through the days, especially when your mother is looking for moral support as my father had to return to work. It was her father who had died, and we were stuck in a fairly unfamiliar place without the person who had the best handle on the situation. We could only pretend to continue our days in the fashions we had to. Needless to say, It would have done nothing for me to have acted the way I felt, It would have only caused my mother more frustration to have anything else on her already over-filled plate. Planning a funeral is not easy. I hold great respect for her, since she had to keep her cool and take care of everything, and accomplished it with such grace. I never once saw her upset, and I believe that is what we all used as an anchor for our coping. Things change when someone dies, nothing seems or feels the same for such a long time, you never know how to really cope with the loss. This, although seemingly indifferent to any other loss, was too different for words to capture with the real meaning, After gaining this knowledge is from experience. Having sat for several hours trying to explain it in terms of the English language. Words fall short, meanings aren’t accurate. Nothing can explain the sadness I felt seeing my sister crying over the thought that she had let him down mother trying to gracefully say something to the effect of she had something in her eye after a short bout of crying. As a young man, never before feeling the pains of loss or any other great turmoil other than possibly a pet dying, all this sadness was far to much to bare. My grandfather was a great man, he had done many things without a college diploma, and beyond the insignificant greatness and the trivial heroism he was my best and closest friend. Heroes come and go, great men are lost to history’s crushing tides, but friends are never lost, as long as they are remembered. I lost my grandfather and friend, and that changed my life so massively, in fact, I doubt it could ever be the same. I have long since come to grips with the fact that I doubtfully will return to the place where he had lived to his final breath, for my grandmother has passed away to join him this February past. Having lost my taste for fishing, there is little doubt that I will pass it up at any future time. Barely is the correct word to describe the appeal of the various tasks he and I would pursue together. A childishly simple reasoning drives this, it is that I did all of those with him, why would I want to do these void of his company? Even in his passing, a burning desire to live up to his expectations lives in my heart, like a wound that won’t heal, and that you don’t want to lose. The town he lived in was a magnificent place, but after it lost him, it was no more than a ghost town to me. The place where I would escape for a small chunk of summer, where I was void of most of my responsibilities was gone to me, for the core of excitement was gone, and could never, like me now, come back. After writing out all of my memories, my thoughts, and my beliefs, I can personally, upon rereading this, see why I choose this as the most important moment defining my life. I can never really be the same worriless child, bent on having exciting adventures and never worrying about a problem or fear. I can never have the greatest friend I’d ever had back, but I do earn my secret treasure, My memories. I loved my grandfather very much, and I cherish the exciting summers and all the holidays we had. I can remember all the fun and I can hold on to those memories. I thought that all life was about to end when I was woken up to the words “your grandfather died in his sleep.” And in it’s own little way, it did. Little from the day I was born to that moment had survived the crushing effects of change.
topic: Life
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