Because you fucked my homie.
May 5, 09 @ 3:42am |
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| just wondering how things are going to go this month. this have been kinda hard, and things just seam a bit tense since i started with this new guy, i mean the snide comments and dirty looks when he comes by to see me and spend time with me, and the roomies and the " wanting to cancel , well it upsets me, i mean, i love them they are great people and all and im not sure it it ment for me or not but i mean c'mon. | |
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| * sighs * | Apr 29, 09 @ 6:12pm |
| You know how sometimes people say one thing and mean another, i have had a full day of this, and it's starting to wear on me. I dont know what to do or say anymore, i dont know what to do. I think im doing something right, and it turns out im wrong as always . im still pissed, and thats not going to go away any time soon, things have spirled and i dont know where they plan on ending up but im sure it wont be a happy place, Things keep getting thrown up in my face, a past that i wish to forget and move on, things i dont want to remember, it seams like no one wants to see me happy, like they just dont care about anyone but them selfs.
I wonder what to believe who's telling the truth, my brain who is telling me one thing, and the people around me who tell me something completely different. Things i think are normal arnt to them, things i see one way they see another, i mean can i ever win, something out right and truthful, for once i just want to hear someone say something and me myself anf my mind know that this thing that they are telling me is true. Are things going to fast with this new person in my life, i mean, we talk a lot probably 6 or 7 hours in the last 14 we have spent talking and laughing, god he makes me laugh. but they say we are moving to fast because he kissed me, and i kissed him back, i can see where they are coming from, but things just feel so right, and i just no longer know what to do. |
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| Bob | Mar 10, 09 @ 10:00pm |
| You know how sometimes you have thoes friends who you can only take in small bursts, the ones that annoy the fuck outta you if your around them for extended peroids of time?? Well Bob is one of them... So here goes my rant.
Ok so I live with my G/f and B/f and an ex who followed me, not a problem, I clean my g/f's moms house once a week, get paid for it not a problem. I do the things around the house that i need to do ( ie Litter boxes, laundry: mine and sometimes K&M's , and the floors along with my room ) ALL bob is asked to do is dishes, his room , his laundry and to take the grabage out when it is needed. he hardly does his chores with out being told and bitched at. He works yes, i am not working but not by choice. Well i have an interview tomorrow, very hopeful one at that 40+ hours a week, great pay and benni's . I'm Still going to clean K's moms house because it was a prior engagement , i dont mind helping hner around the house once a week. Well today K was on the phone with her mom and volenteared Bob to help move some stuff out the the garage sale this weekend, Bob was in the living room with me when he said " What the hell is she volenteering me for, i work 38 hours a week and one night shift " Thats when i got pissed, you dont talk shit behind my womans back, thats not cool... Was i wrong to tell him " you fucking lazy prick, they let you live in this house , you pay 600 in rent a month and that pays for everything you do , eat, where you sleep, your rides to and from work, EVERYTHING!!! and your going to say some shit like that. I get this job and im working over 40 hours a week and im STILL going to go clean there house why... Because we need the money. YOU are the one who told her mom you would help her with anything she needs, You need to fucking back your self up." I dont think i was wrong in this, i stand up for my woman, even though i know damn good and well she can stand up for herself. I love her and nothing is going to happen to that, and he does it again, and im going to knock his teeth into the back of his skull. |
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current mood: Bitchy current music: |
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| Another day in the life of Carlee. | Feb 20, 09 @ 10:28pm |
| I'm stressed, Don't have a job, and cant find one, i have bills i need to pay and i just dont know what im going to do anymore, though i know i will hopefully make it through these hard times, i do wonder.
On top of that I dont feel very... Well... needed, wanted, loved, whatever you wanna Call or distinguish it as. Everyone seams kind of distant to me, like im just kinda here. I mean i know i have been sick and what not but even when im not... i just... feel like a roommate insted of a friend, lover, girl friend. K she's great dont get me wrong i love her, more then i think i even know, and i know she's not a cuddly person but i dont even get hugs or kisses, i get a wopping nothing most of the time, same kinda goes with M, hes stand offish, and im not to sure why... I just want to know why i feel lower then dirt, why i feel like im not needed, not loved.... |
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current mood: unknown current music: None. |
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| Well now. | Feb 14, 09 @ 12:31am |
| I seam to fuck things up no matter how i handle them. People tell me they dont wanna hear " im sorrys " and want to be left alone, and i do as im told, i go away leave them alone when i all i wanna do is hug them and tell them im sorry and that i love them, shower them in kisses and try to make everything better , and yet i get told i'm trying to make everything about me, that i'm going to go have a pity party... i just don't get it, i dont know what to say or do anymore, every time i think im doing the right thing , it turns out i did the wrong thing and i just dont wanna lose the people i love most in my life. I mean i feel like i have already lost my daughter, i never really get to see her, they always have some excuse as to why they cant make it. If i lose them i dont know what i would do, i dont think i would be able to deal with it again, dont think i could go though the pain and hurt like i did last time when i left like a dumb ass, but somehow i feel as if they are slowly slipping though my fingers, like they are leaving me in the dust, like i was fun for awhile and now im yesterdays garbage. | |
current mood: Out of it current music: None |
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| LOL I'm back bitches! | Feb 8, 09 @ 1:07pm |
| Long time no see huh. Well let see how do i update you on everything that has happened....
My Daughter still lives with her father and he's a price, never does let me see her, I got married and am not getting divoriced, he was a dick, tried to push me down a flight of stairs. I'm 21 now, living with great friends that with out them i dont know what i would do. things have been going well except for the fact i cant seam to find a job to save my life. Well im going to go,hit me up when you can |
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current mood: Awake current music: none |
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| Shit shit and more shit. | Sep 24, 05 @ 4:38pm |
| Hello To everyone who doesnt read thease ( i know you dont you dont have to fool me... oh shit im rambling... )
Hello and good day. I just got home from seeing my Beautiful Daughter Marysol. * yawns* I really need to sleep more then 20 min. a night. I havn't been able to sleep here lately because a lot of shit has been going on in my life. For one, I'll be 18 here soon and I have no where to go. I mean yeah i could move to VA with Roy but I dont want to burden His family with me. Then I could always move back to Texas... But that " place " is a bummer.... And yet again I would be on the streets for quite awhile.. Then theres Always the option of moveing back in with my parents *gag* who hate me and everything I stand for. I belive that if I moved back in there it would suck the life out of my eyes,and my soul. I'm trying to get things straightened out and everytime I take a step forward I seam to take two back. I'm just so damn tirred of life I think the only this that keep me going is My daughter. The people that I live with now dont like me because of the way that i do things and the way I dress.... I want to fit in but hey Fuck them they are just A bunch of kids... I'm the oldest one here and I think the most Sane... Or maybe I'm really insane but think im sane, isnt that how it always happens? Or maybe It's the "Sane" people who are "insane" and the " insane " people that are " sane" ? Whos to say whats wrong with me but me? I mean I know my Self better then Anyone knows me right? * sighs* Well maybe I should stop rambling and go lay down and read.... Maybe Not i mean thats what I do all the time -Odd days- wake up, take a shower, do chores, take my meds, read for a bit ( till 8 am ) get on the bus and Go jobe hunting. - Even days- Get up, take a shower, do my chores, take meds, Read ( untill 8 am) hop on the bus and go see my daughter. My life in a nut shell, you see that theres no sleep involved right... I never sleep.... I guss I'll sleep enough when im dead.... Well im going to go... love yas! I'm not ok, im not ok, im not ok... I promise I'm the one who killed your precious cat and stuffed him in your freaking mail box. |
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current mood: Blah..... current music: None. |
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| damn | Sep 9, 05 @ 7:33am |
| Hey All,'
Damn i havnt wrote in a few days. Wll i start school on monday and The only bad thing about that is that i have to Wake up at fucking 4:30 am to get to school before 7:20 b/c i have to take the city bus. Anywho I"m going to go theres not to much to update... uhh any questions call me or... e-mail me carlee_speake@yahoo.com Oh you can comment here or on my comments board... kk laters |
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current mood: Sleepy current music: Nuffin watching the news... So depressing. |
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| Today | Sep 5, 05 @ 8:58pm |
| Today I talk to Roy and Did a bunch of nothing I basically Just sat around in my Pj's and Chilled with everyone... Roy Said something about an Engagement ring today and I about jumped outta my skin anyway today was an all out good day and I cooked Taco's for dinner ( like I really wanted to I work at Taco Bell aka Taco Hell. ) Well im gonna go... no madi this weekend The fuck nuggette didnt bring her to see me | |
current mood: Tirred current music: Rap |
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| whatever | Sep 3, 05 @ 8:52pm |
| Geer i dont want to be here anymore i wanna go home and im tirred... I didnt do much got pix devolped im sending some to roy... later | |
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