Whispering to the Butterfly
| Missin' the butterfly. |
Sep 4, 09 @ 7:49pm |
| Butterfly, I know you've been watching. Mom can feel it too. I just want you to know, I have a new outlook. As many times as you've told me I don't need to cake on so much make up, I still do. But I'm beautiful with and without it. It doesn't matter. And I just feel so much better about things. And I know you're around now for sure. You're making things so much better for me and ma. She cried last night. I don't really know what to say to her when she starts crying. I just bit my lip and tried not to cry with her. You're missed so much, and your memories will live on forever. It's been almost a year now. It still hurts so much, but I know you're not hurting anymore. I feel horrible for all the things I've ever said about how horrible you were. You never understood why I am the way I am. I accept that now. I understand it was how you was raised. I remember every day ma and me would come over there and you would just crack up laughing over the silliest things. And your favorite word "malaky" [sp] you used to crack me up. Especial when you'd tell stories about how ma and the aunts always acted up when they were little. Oh gosh and the stories about how everything was so cheap. You'd taught me so many things, and I will always, always, keep you in my heart and in the family. |
current mood: Missin' her
current music: Transylvanian Concubine |
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| Landers no longer |
Sep 1, 09 @ 7:52pm |
| I don't know what to do or who to turn to. Apparently, it's been said that I've said some nasty shit to my dad's side of the family. Why the hell would I do that? Unsure why the reasoning is behind all of this. I mean, Aunt Lisa used to be my best friend. And now she's starting drama from no where? I haven't even talked to her since last year. I haven't talked to my dad since my step mother got out of prison [mind you it was for a murder charge]. My family doesn't make sense. Ever since I was little, I felt that family should come first, and nothing, absolutely nothing should come between a family. As shown in actions and words, that isn't true. My family is so dysfunctional it's not even funny. My dad disappears off the face of the planet for years on end. Finally when things get cleared back up, he quits talking to me again. What is it going to be another 5 yrs or so before he talks to me again? Pfft. My sister is a cunt, always talking down to people. My mom is just psycho bipolar. My brother is a druggie from hell and back with super sticky fingers [yet remember everyone loves the thieving little bastard]; my aunt cause all the chaos in the family before. My step mom is a murderer. My stepdad is a perve. I mean what the hell. Seriously. How could it get any more fucked up? But of course, I'm the one guilty of being a bitch? Please, what the hell ever. I don't even know what the fuck I did. It doesn't matter because they're all talking shit. According to them, I'm so horrible, I'm not even worth being in the family, so from here on out, I'm no longer a landers kid. Just some kid without a last name. Fuck you Landers family, fuck you. |
current mood: pissy
current music: megadeth |
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| Live in nanny? |
Aug 27, 09 @ 8:01am |
| Okay, so pretty much, my friends have invited me to move in with them. I'd be a live in nanny for their 14 mo old. It wouldn't be a big deal if wasn't for them bitching all the time. Hmph. Maybe pitch an agreement that id they bitch, I leave? It'd only be watching the little boy 4 days out of the week, and that's not too bad I reckon. Free food, free housing, free smokes [and pancakes?] not too bad at all. Considering it? The only other obstacle is her friends. The underage girls that have attitudes. Bleh. I hate underage girls. They take advantage of it. Always starting shit, knowing I could go to jail for laying 1 finger on their precious little heads. Maybe I'm just too angry? Doubtful. Oh, the last downfall. No internet. Gnar. All because they didn't make a payment on their computer. -_- I'm too great of a friend. Said I'd never watch Dallas [the son] again after what happened last time, but she cried after I told her the actions of her choice were fucked up. Meh, if it happens again, I won't even give her a chance. Friends since 6th grade. I need to think hard on this one, but I have a feeling I couldn't say no. Simply put, the mad woman, whose vagina I was shot out of, is driving me to mere insanity. Maybe being a nanny wouldn't be all too bad in the process. Once they get their desktop back, I could always take my online courses for a degree in web design. Who knows? I guess I'll worry about it later. |
current mood: rada rada rada
current music: Horrorpops |
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