Misplaced my soul, seen it?
| Monday | Oct 10, 05 @ 8:58am |
| So yer work was boring and tonys not actually off so i dont get a weeks worth of overtime in. GRRR!
Got home n started getting changed n sat at the computer for a sec to reply to someone on msn n mum walks up n knocks on the door i told her to wait a min so she just walks in then she wouldnt get out when i asked her to so i raised my voice and told her to get out n shes stormed off and has said that if i talk to her again like that she'll kick me out. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Such lovely fucking parents. Dads just come back from walking the dog so no doubt mum will cry to him and he'll come up and moan at me. Fucking bullshit. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I think i might just go back to bed and ignore my family for the rest of the day. I'd love to go stay at a mates house n not come back for a few nights but thats not possible coz i don't have any mates who'd let me do that. Joy. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr :(:(:(:( |
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current mood: pissed off current music: |
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| Sunday Morning early | Oct 8, 05 @ 7:33pm |
| So yer i gave in and text caitlyn. and you know what? Suprise suprise she didnt bother to reply. I also gave in and text Kristen, i think ima have to leave her be for a day or two or till she texts me back. :)
I got a letter off the doctor this morning saying its 'urgent' that i get my flu vaccination. Except um... well it sez i shud wear a short sleaved top and make sure the top of my arm is easily accessible... and the top of my arm where all my other injection lil teeny scars are is well um kinda surrounded with other faint scars which shouldn't be there. I'm frantically trying to decide if they're faint enough to not be noticed and stuffs. AND ARGH. :(:(:(:(:(:(:( I've been avoiding stopping to think about it all day but when i do its just uber worrying. :( I don't know what i have to look forward to anytime soon :( I really don't know anymore. I don't know whos going to ever be here. I need some real people to treat me how i want to be treated. But yer i don't know what i want or how to get it. I want to go play with sharp things but i sure as hell can't if im gona be gettin this injection. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR :( |
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current mood: Misplaced current music: Radio city live (should be scouse house live but is infact crap) |
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| Saturday morning | Oct 8, 05 @ 5:34am |
| Give me something to look forward to soon. Please? Please??
I didnt get to go out and see Kristen last night n i couldn't even find friends to go out with anyway. Crap bastards! Grrr. So i ended up going to bed at like 8:30 and then i woke up at 10 n turned off my pc and then slept till 9 n got up at 10. I don't want to go to work. :( |
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current mood: Lost current music: When the night feels my song~bedouin soundclash |
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| (Untitled.) | Oct 6, 05 @ 2:04pm |
| My plans are not made to be broken. They are made to be kept. The theft of them by you, the twisted reorganising you claim to utilise for ease is not there for me. You lie and you twist me out of my own world. Taking my ideas out of my mind slapping your mindless self onto them and leaving me for dust.
I look around and i see the remains of what i should be doing. I look at you and how you insist on using me. I have no choice but to stand around and fall. |
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current mood: current music: |
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| Sunday | Oct 2, 05 @ 12:37pm |
| Well last night was screwy. I got a lift over to liverpool off my mums cousin and just as i got there i got a text off lee saying that him tom n rob had gone home. GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!
But i persevered (is that spelt remotely right?) and i phoned like a zillion people and then phoned Kristen and found out that she was going out and i agreed to meet her at the krazy house. So i sat around in the krazy house on my own for like an hour and then Kristen turned up n i went n found her n spent 3 hours with her. <3 Her bf type person (i still dont get whats going on there) appeared briefly and kissed her grrrrrrrr but then disappeared for the rest of the night though i guess they may have met up after i left but hmmmmm. Spent all night dancing sorta and sitting around with Kristen. I'm so damn unsure of myself around her, and the realisation that shes even more gorgeous then i originally thought didn't do much to help my nervousness. I wonder what she wanted last night, if she wanted anything. Hmmmmmmmm. We danced real close a few times and especially to this song... Nine inch nails ~ fuck you like an animal. Mmmmmmmmm but shes fine. haha. Damn nice ass n damn nice body n gorgeous n tiny n wow. N she didnt abandon me. Which is really weird. I'm sat here thinking about her and refusing to text her again coz i text her this morning and she aint replied. But i have to make an effort n not text her for a while as i've been texting her all week lol. Worried n paranoid incase i did something wrong last night though or that i was a disappointment to her. Which is all quite grrr. lol. :( I threw up on the way to the bus stop, it makes no sense. I'm sorta ill i think, coz i was nearly sick before i went out too. Stomach acids nasty. grrrrrr. Walking home from liscard on your own takes soooooooooooo long. :( Work was shitty and i cant be arsed explaining anything. I don't know if people are going the pub tonight, someone said we were but im not sure. I shall wait and see if i get invited. :) Might go sleep soon actually im exhausted, but we've not had tea yet so grrrr. |
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current mood: tired n heartsickish haha urgh current music: Fuck you like an animal ~ Nine Inch Nails |
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| Saturday | Oct 1, 05 @ 11:11pm |
| Just got in from liverpool. Theres a zillion things to say, i cant be arsed.
I ended up in town on my OWN. And then i found Kristen and just wow. I want her real bad. Shes unbelievebly stunning and gorgeous and beautiful and nice and i hate that she has a bf kinda and meh and urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Oh i feel sick too. :'( |
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current mood: Lovesick current music: |
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| Saturday morning | Oct 1, 05 @ 5:32am |
| So i want to go out tonight to the krazy house all nighter....
Jais not going.... Rob wont go... Tom wont go... Dave wont go.... Becci says shes probably not going... Sarah is going but is leaving by one... Kristen probably isn't going and even if she is we live in opposite directioins... 'Mates' from work ain't bothered replying when i asked if they wanted to go, and apparently all went to the pub round the corner last night n never invited me... So it looks like i'm not going, which means theres No point in me getting sunday off work. So now i'm just not happy. I feel all lethargic about going to work too coz its gona be shit. The weathers shit and i'm freezing. :(:( Oh marvelous, its just started pissing down. Grr |
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current mood: Cold current music: Step up to the Florr~ illegal substance |
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| Friday night | Sep 30, 05 @ 6:57pm |
| My stomach hurts. I feel numb though. I want to talk to Hannah, I feel like i haven't spoken to her properly in aaaaaages and its eating at me some.
I've not text Tyne for over a week and not seen her for a week. I've not spoken to caitlyn for over 3 months, 100 days odd infact. So much for my best friend. I don't talk to joe anymore really and when i do its just in passing. Zisky doesn't speak to me anymore. Hell i could sit here and list off a zillion people who don't speak to me anymore. *sigh* I find myself wanting to cut n stuffs, try to it properly and enough for once. But if i do that, if i Manage to do that then i'm stuck. Coz what if i do actually manage to go out tomorrow? What if Kristen is there? What if something happens?? How do i explain that?? Damnit I have money for a lil while. However i want a fairly wide selection of bike parts. Grr.... i'm alist them coz i like writing lists.... Rockshox Pike Race Air: RRP £490 i pay.....£250 Hope xxx hub bolt thru axle kit on ex721cd: RRP £140 i pay... £90? DMR V8 Pedals~White: RRP £25 i pay.... £20 Truvativ four arm cranks: RRP £25 i pay.... £10 247 simple bar stem combo... RRP £40.... i pay £40 :( Halo Combat Rim~White: RRP £35.... i pay £30 Black spokes: RRP £10.... i pay nothing Mono Hope M4s with black piston caps: RRP £320.... i pay £280 Oh n i really want a dirty habit t-shirt that sez across it 'Can't Ride for SHIT' :D |
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current mood: Shit current music: James brown is dead |
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