Misplaced my soul, seen it?
| UM | Jan 20, 05 @ 6:19am |
| OMG. LET ME BUILD MY TRIALS BIKE! I wants it!!!!
Giant trials frame Giant trials fork Giant headset Stem? bars? White magura HS33s Front white halo Excite on deore hub Rear white halo Freedom on deore hub Continental diesel tyres? SRAM cassete Deore mech Power pro cranks with DMR ring thing, 22th and 32th Onza pedals (ouch hehe) Shin gaurds for my shins!!! Lizardskins grips Deore shifter FUNN Race light Downhill race saddle, mmmmm urban camo Identiti seatpost? Outland seat clamp Deore BB IRC tubes (hehehe in my draw now!) Xlite blue bar ends SRAM chain HALO QRs? or Royal Racing ones. hmmmmm pls note i only have 6 of those parts... :( Omg i'd love to swap the hubs for Hope anodized blue mono hubs.... BUT no, this is 'cheap' bike (he sez after speccing a £45+ seat) |
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current mood: Hyper current music: Hit the lights, metallica |
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| Wednesday | Jan 19, 05 @ 7:59am |
| Help me or kill me. Help me by killing me?
I'm a twat if i cut? FUCK OFF! I barely scratch the surface whilst you leave me on ur doorstep and carve ur arm up and then come back and invite me in and sit there tellin me its ok and that you haven't cut. Then send me upstairs to get something and cut somemore whilst i'm gone?? AND you dare call me a twat? FUCK YOU |
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| Tuesday | Jan 18, 05 @ 7:21am |
| Today alone in my room 99% of the day. I've got nobody to come to find me. Even the people nearby who know how i feel won't come to see me.
What am i doing?? I can't help this. I don't know what to do. I need to be shot. I need to not wake up. I'm hungy. Shows how well my day progressed. I didn't put my watch on. I Love my watch, its titanium. Despite me telling everyone i wanted it and that it was so cheap nobody would buy me it. If someone had they would have meant the world to me. I don't know what i've ever got off anyone thats been a noticably great gift. Except maybe my bracelets off abbi. I miss her. I'm lonely :'( |
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current mood: depressed current music: silence |
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| Why? | Jan 16, 05 @ 7:36pm |
| My lifes just aiming towards death. Except i seem to be destined to go there without what i want and totally unsure of myself. I need to not fail at something, but i don't know what. I don't know whati can be interested in and enthusiastic about thats remotely practical. I can't even die.
I think shes just lying, i'm not what she wants and she wont tell me. Fucking shit. I'm not enough for anyone anywhere. |
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| Sunday | Jan 16, 05 @ 12:14am |
| Fuck my neck hurts. Went the Krazy house last night. Twas good. Well. Yer i guess it was. Sooooooo much to think about though.
Tyne was there, was sort stand offish tho? Didn't seem paticularly enthusiastic to see me :(:( I think 2 of her mates are rather gorgeous, which may at some point prove complicated. I doubt it though. Hmmmmm. Rob dave and toms mate Sarah wasn't too bad, and her friend Laura was very nice. Seemed to get on better with dave then me, but thats always happened. Theres always someone more interesting then me. Always always always. I was sorta 'dancin' with Laura i think? But i don't know. I think it was just me 'dancin' next to her more then anything else. I stole 2 hugs off Sarah though, and 2 of Tyne. I was hoping for more from Tyne, like sorta to not let go or a kiss or sumit. Stupid me, can't expect things like that. *sigh* Sanbruca(?) was nice. 4 shots of that for me :) and several bottles of smirnoff ice, several coz i really dont know how many i had. Between 8 and 14 i reckon. Hmmmmm lol. That burger from maccies was sooooooo damn nice. Sorta threw up, cant remember if that was coz of the shots or not, i don't think so coz they didnt seem to disagree with me at all. I felt better after throwing up tho, shame abt my burger i had for tea though. *sigh* I want a hug and some company. So damn tired. I got home at half 4 ish, and then stayed up till half 6!!!!!! Luckily i booked the day of work yesterday so i just stayed in bed all day, didnt really sleep, just dozed. I woke up at sunset. Lol Tyne looked nice last night, before i was drunk too lol. I would have been soooo much more hammered if dave hadn't told me to stop the shots. They were nice though. Still lonely though. Tyne 'doesn't want a relationship or a bf'. Theres nobody lol. I can't even have someone when i try and change a bit and lower my expectations and and argh. I want to die i think. I just :( |
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current mood: ringing ears- heads fuzzy current music: dance music!!!!!! |
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| Thursday evening | Jan 13, 05 @ 12:47pm |
| Yer my exam went shite thanks, nice of you to ask. Oh wait. Only mum n dad bothered to ask. Thanks friends. :D
I fell asleep this afternoon, hasn't helped me feel any better, i just feel like dying. I think i've eaten too much. I keep hoping someone will text me and invited me out somewhere or ask to come round or something to cheer me up and shit. But no. You can't tell me that i need to make an effort coz i shouldnt have to for things like this. |
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current mood: Sad current music: Illegal substance, feelin alright |
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| Thursday night | Jan 13, 05 @ 6:42am |
| I'm tired and sad and lethargic and theres nobody here to talk to. Every day.
If i get my degree i will spend my whole life knowing that it should have been so much better. Everything in my life should be so much better. I can't pin down what the problem is. Supposedly i need to accept who i am and start letting more people in and go out more and stuff but that doesn't help me solve the fact that people are disappearing out of my life. I don't know who there is left who i actually physically know who i trust. My computer is still screwed, why does this happen to me? why?? why why why why why why why why why why? :( |
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current mood: not good current music: silence |
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| Thursday Morning | Jan 13, 05 @ 3:06am |
| I've got an exam in 2 hours. :'( What can i do? I've considered just going back to bed. I'm tired and i duno. I was thinking and after the exam theres not even anywhere for me to go. :(:( I'll just come back here and sit. | |
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