Misplaced my soul, seen it?
| Wednesday night | Jan 12, 05 @ 5:33pm |
| I'm going to fail. :'( I told someone i wanted company and i was scared i was going to fail, what does she do, fail to come to see me fails to wish me good luck and just talks crap. I hate people.
I'm going to fail and its all my own fault. I'm doomed to die. |
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current mood: scared and alone current music: delinquent habits, merry go round |
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| Wednesday | Jan 12, 05 @ 9:19am |
| I have an exam at 10am tomorrow. I don't want to have it. I don't want to have to go to university anymore or do work or exist really. I just want to rest until i get my head straight. Its not going to be for along time i suspect tho so what choice do i have but to continue?
I miss speaking to people in the day time. I miss riding my bike with my mates. I miss people visiting me. I miss so much. I cannot revise. The books i need to look at to grasp the most vague of ideas are in the cupboard next to me and still i can't be arsed. I want to sleep. Curled up with someone nice. Tyne might be moving away she thinks because shes tired of getting shit at work and she knows its a pointless job. I wish she could just see it as i'm going to start seeing it in the summer. Its a job to provide me with enuff money to have a laugh, to stop caring for as long as possible, a mindless job to let me escape and do a few of the things i've dreamt about. The only issue i have is finding the friends i need to do the things i want to do. Maybe i was destined not to have any luck with Caitlyn etc, the differences were too great, I don't know who i fit in with. I have to stop comparing myself to others and be content with what i am and shit but everyone else seems to have what i want. My tongue feels funny. I need o2 to stop being fucking arseholes! They owe me money! ITS THEIR FAULT! FUCKING TWATS! I need £55 for my bike service £120 to pay to jai £500 for the field trip £600+ (preferably £1000) for the spends for it £100 a month ish for my fone bill £25 a month for internet bill Normal monthly spends... Oh and £500 for rent for the parents! BASTARDS So thats me utterly financially fucked!!!!! :'( What am i gona do?? |
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current mood: Fucked current music: duno |
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| Saturday | Jan 8, 05 @ 8:02pm |
| I'm still quite screwed and work was shite, But Bree you are GREAT. I love you to pieces, you've cheered me up so much for 2 nights in a row. hehe. | |
current mood: happy current music: scouse house |
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| Friday morning | Jan 7, 05 @ 3:47am |
| Godbless long sleeves. You figure out why | |
current mood: Sore and sleepy current music: Metallica ecstacy of gold |
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| Wednesday | Jan 5, 05 @ 6:04pm |
| O2 are retards, owe me abt £90. FUCKING COCKS! I've got nobody left. I don't understand what i've done to deserve being alone? How? I'm trying to be nice and i want to have someone who'll be nice in person to me. I hate this. Everyone uses me and throws me away. Stupid scars, but i want more and deeper and i want to not stop. If they want to think of me this way then what harm is there if i exhibit some more symptoms?
I need a shower, but why? Nobody notices if i'm clean or not, if i shave or not. Nobody notices the scars. Those who know no longer care. Pain thats so blatantly obvious is never seen, or if it is they don't care. Friends are what i need and i have none who i can go to, who i can ask to come. Instead only dreams. I don't know what to do. |
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current mood: depressed current music: metallica |
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| (Untitled.) | Jan 4, 05 @ 7:22am |
| I want holding. I want to not dream. Theres nobody left. just scars where they once where. | |
current mood: current music: shanks and bigfoot, sweet like chocolate |
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| Sunday night | Jan 2, 05 @ 7:36pm |
| I'm happy. New pc is gona be amazing, its just wow.
Oh and claire's lovely! :D Lol |
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current mood: happy current music: chillout musics great |
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