Misplaced my soul, seen it?
| Randomness | Dec 2, 04 @ 7:20pm |
| Pretty
Interesting eyes Patient Clever Skilled Caring Loving loving Quiet Cute Adorable Soft lingering touch An Angel to guard my heart & soul Lingering scents & everlasting glances igniting my mind Make believe and reality rolled into one, overlapped, intertwined & eternally held together as my dream x I guess i do want to much, i can't even find someone with a handfull of those qualities. |
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current mood: Heart broken current music: All within my hands, Metallica |
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| Thursday | Dec 2, 04 @ 3:56am |
| Today i have eaten:
the chocolate outta my advent calender :D 2 hamburgers from mcdonalds half a tub of malteasers Quarter of a rather large beef & guiness pie with shit load of chips and gravy and peas 2 rounds of wholemeal bread (which was acky) And have drank: 3 slurps of coke 2 glasses of pepsi 2 glasses of water Sooooooooooo. Where to begin with my thoughts for the day. I got dads christmas presents. I got him blade 1 & 2 he shud be impressed i think :D. I also got myself Timesplitters 2, all 3 things came to £22, which is rather good :D Caitlyn was late for the cinema, excessively so, so we ended up going to see the incredibles, which i've already seen but she hadn't. It was great again. :D We didn't really talk so much, which is probably a good thing coz it meant no fights, we so look like a couple. Which i don't understand. It wasn't all me this time, i know it wasn't. Does that make her a whore? Not just coz of how she is with me, just other stuff. Urgh duno why i'm reading into this it was nice to have my best friend back briefly, she said some things that if i digest properly probably are quite cruel and might remove my hope but for now i am happy, i got my hugs and i got some cuddles and i got smiles. I need a shower, how entirely inconvenient! I got chatted up on the train platform by school kids who thought i was 17. Can't describe quite how offended i feel by that. Not only that ppl thought i was 17 but the fact that the only girls to try chattin me up in years are fuckin kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS SHITE! I am lonely. Having a taste of what it used to be like hasn't really helped but i don't know what to do about it. I just don't know anymore. I never seem to hold on to a truely happy mood for more then a few hours. Except with some people. |
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current mood: Mildly outraged current music: evanescence, going under |
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| Wednesday | Dec 1, 04 @ 5:51am |
| Today i have eaten...
6 chicken nuggets hamburger large fries 2 sausage, beans, potatoes, black pudding rice pudding 2 gold bars And have drank... 4 pints of pepsi a glass of water Today was weird. Grays birthday, spent day pissin abt with him, played ps2 basically all day. I feel crap now. Why do people take things the wrong way? If shes mad at me tomorrow i'm gona be upset. I don't even know anymore? Why does she do this to me? Argh. If i go away were do i go? I'm gona fail uni and i don't really care but at the same time i do. Its all fucked up. My teeth hurt. |
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current mood: depressed current music: black betty, zz top (great song) |
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| Tuesday | Nov 30, 04 @ 7:32am |
| Today i have eaten:
6 chicken nuggets and medium fries half a box of malteasers chilli con carneeeeee and pasta beef sandwich and i have drank: 2 pints of pepsi 2 glasses of water Today was weird. I went shopping with girl from work. Shes quite lovely and i do like her lots but i don't think i fancy her, i don't want to be cruel so on the off chance that she likes me as more then a friend i have to be just a friend. But i can't figure out if i am setting my sights to high. Am i ever gona find someone who i'll like? Somebody accidently overdosed, my ass. He was blatantly on so many fuckin things and so much fuckin shite that he passed out. Why lie? She was supposed to be working but instead she was with him? Pathetic lies are all my friends can come up with. What do i say to her? The words that i know might just end us officially? I don't want to lose her but shes never here anymore. Am i being selfish? I need somebody elses input! But everyone who knows her is on her side or doesn't know whats gone on between us in the past. I cud hurt her so bad. I might. I doubt it though. I'm tired. Nobodys thought that maybe i don't mean sleepy. There it is advertised to the world with such subtlety that nobody ever sees. I am trying to be happy. I try to be social. I try to not be alone. I just fail. |
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current mood: Failed current music: black betty zz top |
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| Monday | Nov 29, 04 @ 6:22pm |
| Today i have eaten:
The other half of the big bag of kit kat kubes Half a box of malteasers A sausage batch Mince avec veggiessss I have drank: 3 pints of coke 2 lil glasses of pure orange juice A glass of water Today was weird. I wasted it again i think. Captured lots of hoods on gta tho, that was fun. Lol. Payday sooooooon!!!!!! |
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current mood: Payday in 36 minutes!!!!!! current music: Metallica |
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| Monday | Nov 29, 04 @ 6:42am |
| Oh my. Potential spending for this week is in excess of £800 and i'm only gona get paid £400ish!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!! Pay monthly is clearly the answer. Mmmmmmmmmm new shiney fone. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm shiney new computer that goes zooooooooooom and is swish. =) | |
current mood: How do i find more money!!!!!! current music: Funky beats, groove coverage |
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| Sunday | Nov 28, 04 @ 4:00am |
| Today i have eaten:
6 cookies half a small pack of pringles a big bag of kit kat kubes a larrrrrrge plate of roast dinner I have drank 1 lil glass of orange juice of the pure variety 3 Glasses of pepsi 1 Glass of water I'm sat here drinkin my pepsi which i suspect is flat. Hmmmmmm. I can get a hug next time i see my mate :D How goods that! hehe. I want a gun. M24 socom pls Today i was so happy i contemplated selling my bike. Ha if only people saw what that means. One person sorta did. But he seems to have his own issues at the moment so i'll leave him be. People are such twats. I mean The idiots get the nice girls and then the girls dump on me and my mates. I mean why lie to people? Why lead them on? Why do people see the opposite sex as objects?? How can i go out when i have nowhere to go and nobody to go with. I mean i don't really want to get murdered on the way home. Least i don't think so. Why do i like 'chillout' music? It depresses me and reminds me of times i've listened to it in the arms of other people. Those other people being one of like 4 people, all of whom have since deserted and hurt me. But its also calm and soothing, if i can not think abt the pain. Tempted to fill my profiles with the lies side of me. The 'yes i'm normal and happy lalalala' side |
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current mood: hopeful current music: Chillout music |
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| Saturday | Nov 27, 04 @ 7:53pm |
| Again technically its sunday but shush.
For my own benifit: Today i have eaten: a handful of grapes 2 kit kats 4 pringles 6 cookies 3 slices of pizza (which was mingin) 1 quarter pound burger 4 pieces of short bread And have drank: 3 glasses of coke/pepsi 2 small glasses of pure orange I suspect i dont eat much, gona check. Today was boring as fuck, but i did clean my bike and i shall put the pic up shortly on the off chance that anyone reads this or cares. I find myself wishing for company again. Company of the female kind that i can snuggle down with, I don't want to take advantage of situations, some of mates are such evil bastards. I want to be civil n gentlemanly but i don't think thats going to happen. I want to see Caitlyn! Fuckin how hard can it be?????? I've asked like 5 people if i can see them tomorrow and they've all said no, My one small hope is that my mate will fone in sick for work and go shopping with me. I'd just like her company. But i don't think she will somehow. I'm lonely and tired. Why do i never have anything to do on my weekends off? Why? My life isn't fair and i don't know how to fix it and i hate myself for whining. |
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current mood: tired and lonely current music: none |
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