secrets left in the open
| lksdfng;wmoe | Jan 7, 08 @ 12:34pm |
| hope is kindled
the fire burns hearts fly and tables turn asking why wondering how wishing that.... it will never end. finally feeling secure times of struggle all a blurr eyes close and feelings stirr behind the curtan, no one sees its just you and me i'll close my eyes and hold you close hopeing never to let go |
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current mood: yay! current music: |
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| how things went down in hannah town!! | Jan 6, 08 @ 7:32am |
| how many people can say that they truely love some one?
how many people truely know what that love is? now i dont think im an expert on the subject or any thing cuz well im not. but there's this boy who's taught me a lot more than i thought any one would about it. i thought i had it all figured out. i thought i knew exactly how it would happen for me: i'd meet a guy we'd be friends for a few months and eventally we'd go out and it would be perfect and we'd just kinda click and fall in love. i didnt think there would be any differences to work out."if he's perfect for me it will just work," i thought. i didnt think there'd be any communication flaws. haha i've learned that im kinda the only person who thinks and talks like me. so ya that will always be a bit of a problem for me but oh well. i'm going to have to work on that with every one close too me not just him. i thought trust was just a given thing. i kinda took it for granted since most people give me their trust so freely. i've learned that if its true dependable trust it HAS to be earned. well all this sounds like i was dissapointed by what i learned because love isnt the fairy tale i immagined it was. but really im happy it isnt like that. he's taught me so much just by the way he treats me. he's taught me that if you love some one you dont just give up because they've made some mistakes that hurt you. you forgive them and give them a second chance. he's taught me that just listening and wishing you could help does more than you'd think. he's taught me that giveing up some of the things you want for you'r special some one is another way of saying i love you. part of love is sacrifice. he's taught me that love can sneak up on you but really it is a choice. he's taught me that hearing nice things from some one you love never gets old. he's taught me that love is putting your self out there, even when your sared to, just so you can be close to some one. he's taught me that love is when you still find the other person beautiful when they're just in their pajamas and thier hairs all messy. he's taught me that if you really love some one you'll put up with them even if they are being really really annoying or just an asss. and if they love you back they'll stop doing it when you tell them it bothers you. he's taught me that love is that look some people get in their eyes only when they're with well duh! the person they love of course! he's taught me that love is telling the truth even if it would be easyer to lie. he's taught me that love is not a perfect lil meant to be fairy tale where all is happy and cheery. he's taught me that its better than that. its an adventure full of risk, excitement, romance, and about a million other things. things wont always be cheery and perfect but thats what makes it love. that your willing to go through all that you do to be with that person, nothing can change that and that they do the same for you because in some odd way when your in love you need eachother. things with him happened the complete opposite way i thought they would. i hardly knew him when we went out i thought he was kyoote and funny but other than that i didnt really care. then i was dumb and broke up with him cuz i started to care but it seemed like he didnt. i hated every minute of it. we got back together and i love being with him! even the bad times because i know im with who i want to be with and that nothing will ever change that! well unless he decides other wise or i get brain washed into dumping him lol. so ya i love that kid a lot and i dont just say it because im insicure and i need to hear it to feel good about myself or to get what i want out of him. i say it because its true. and ya welllllll some times i cant shut up about how much i love him. haha like right now. it almost feels like i dont deserve it. so many other people who deserve to be together get torn apart in so many different ways. it happend in history all the time and it happens all the time today as well (it just usually isnt really documented in history books). theres so many love storys with sad, tragic endings!! i hope this one wont turn out like those. haha in history class i ranted on about how beautiful it was that andrew jackson loved his wife. she devorced her abusive husband for him (divorce was highly frowned upon in those days) and people would call her a whore for it. he didnt like that so he stood up for her and duled and won to save his lady's honor. i dont think its sweet because he shot people over her honor. i think its sweet because for once two people who where actually in love got to be together until they died. i dont remember who died first but oh well they got to grow old and all that and didnt hate eachother by then cuz he still shot people for her and i dont think he'd risk his life over her if he didnt love her any more. ya i know i could be over romantasizeing history but thats the story i saw in it and i like the concept so blehfishh!! and now im really REALLY sleepy so good night. |
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current mood: loved current music: |
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| snow white | Nov 16, 07 @ 2:17am |
| when all hope fails,
and angels fall the goddess cries, snow white tears of ice broken, frozen, alone and forgotten, lay the heartless queen with shivers quakeing her own heart to cold to bare can you hear her icy whispers nipping at your ears? can you feel her icy fingers sither down your spine? turn around nothings there, except the bitter wind blowing through your hair the snow white queen ever reaching out with claws of ice trying to capture herself a companion perhaps a poor lost soul could warm her heart frozen blood trapped beneath pale skin whispers escape her dieing vicims lips "hold me close my snow white queen i can feel death close by forever more shall i love you" the light left his eyes his last breath dead and gone, the last warmth she ever felt her frozen heart fell to pieces as the life left his eyes she heard the words "i love you" for the first time her heart bagan to melt but it was more than she could take her heart of ice was meant to break love, the only pain of the immortals |
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current mood: creative current music: |
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| masquerade | Nov 13, 07 @ 2:11am |
| welcome all to the masquerade!
where no face goes uncovered hidden within thier fairy tales every one creates a facade true or faulse? it doesnt matter here! welcome all to the masquerade! colors ripple through the air always look behind you some ones always there look at all the beutiful faces danceing swirling all around you so confidently cowering beneath thier colorful masks they'll seduce you with lies that never really last don't get confused everything moves fast all of us has secrets here timid, hideing behind our fears every one here trys to hide the reality behind their eyes on and on the dance will go when it ends no one knows too scared to let their faces show on they dance into the night hopeing every thing will be all right they never seem to tire of it the same old lies told at least a thousand times on and on the dance will go...... i tire of all the facades no one cares to hear the same old lies told every day every where i look i see nothing but masks some happy and always smileing others scowling attempting to be a threat every one trying so hard to hide their flaws but creating more in the process every one trying so hard to impress but no ones willing to say that this is nothing more than a masquerade no one really wants to feel so unprotected, so out in the open, but wouldnt you like to know how it feels when people love you as you are not as what you pretend to be? it just sickens me all the ugly colors hideing such beautiful eyes all the stupid girls and shallow guys all the extravagent dresses they dont look so pretty any more when every one's all dressed up as the same ugly whore on and on the dance still goes when it will finally end no one knows since no one has enough courage to face their fears no one has enough pride to let their real face show on and on the dance will go. . . . . . . . |
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current mood: sleepy current music: |
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| i suck | Aug 8, 07 @ 2:46am |
| searching for inspiration......a new pattern of thought, a way to explain my slow expiration. im forgetting who and what i am. or is it what i used to be?
i seem to have changed. do i ever stay the same? once upon a time i was strong. i took care of myself. hardly anything was wrong. and yet i felt so numb and alone. nothing ever really feels like home. ive always been searching for a place, a person, or anything that makes me feel like i belong. some thing to make me understand. or some one to grab my hand. show me what it is i've been missing. what it is i've lost. hours spent trying to find it in thought.am i just a waste of time?will i always be a mystery to myself and those around me? theres no real way to know who i am when i dont even know what im turning into.but not many people seem to care........they call it stupidity. they say all i do is dream. but i've lost my dreams.......its something else haunting my mind. as the shadows of what once was begin to overlap the present. the traces, memories, the proof that i wasnt always this way. echoing ever more. reminding me that i wasnt always so weak. with tears streaming down my face. i wasnt alway so dependant......so pathetic, so sick of myself. i used to be so strong!! what happened? what went wrong? i used to be so strong |
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current mood: poopy current music: |
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| that damn boy!!! | Jul 18, 07 @ 5:58am |
| why did you lie?
this is the only way to save you cant you understand? bleeding is so much better than loseing you i know it hurts but ill be fine can't you see it in my eyes? you make me want the pain you make me want it......... i like the blood running down your skin i wish it would run down mine..... dragon skin is what you call it as you smile whith the razor to my side the cuts hardly bleed the anger makes me want it more i want it more so cut me open look inside its the only way to stay alive I'll pay the price with my blood and hope he's satisfied why did you lie? i want to bleed i want it more |
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current mood: annyed/confuseded current music: |
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| your challenge | Apr 13, 07 @ 7:50pm |
| mysterys are only exciteing for a time
after a while people get sick of asking why i want to know who you really are dont lie you dont have to try to make me happy just be your self more often not the boy you always hide behind i like him too but not as much as the real you i dont let myself fall in love with fantasys all i want is to see your reality i want to understand what it is aobut your eyes? why for some reason this feeling hasnt died? why am i still with you? and why havent you grown tired of me? theres so many things i wish i could ask you but i know that you dont want to let me see you still want to be a mystery for a while i wont mind but sooner or later youll run out of time soon i wont care enough to ask why |
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current mood: bored/thougthful current music: |
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| Beautiful? | Feb 27, 07 @ 7:21pm |
| It feels like my bones dont fit into my skin quite right
like I'm wearing a suit thats not my size it's beautiful but flawed.... beauys fades and youth can only slip away my skin still wont fit the way it should I would fix it if only I could call the doctor with his knife he'll cut away the flaws make me look just right perfect just like a little porcalin doll an artificial beauty to be enveyed by all some how the skin im in doesnt feel like mine its beautiful.... but i want more flawless is what i want to be! even though thats how some describe me some how its not good enough just to be pretty just another monir distraction that causes nothing more than a minor reaction i want to take your breath away not just please your eye i want to be perfect! im not sure why but what ive got will have to do its not that im ugly im just not as amazing as i could be im pretty but thats all plain, ordinairy, under appriciated, boring, old pretty nothing brilliant about me....... |
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current mood: bleh i feel ugly! current music: |
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| ?????? | Feb 23, 07 @ 7:56pm |
| hold me close and close you eyes
whisper in my ear but dont tell me what you think i'd like to hear tell only truth let me see inside, the hidden world behind your eyes let me into your world of wonder let me explore I want to discover, who you really are inside who is that other boy you try so hard to hide? I want to be the girl who understands not just the one who you hold in your hands if only for just a moment, I want to see things through your eyes I want to know you not just the bits and peices you choose to reveal, but all of you I'll wait if I have to but its all up to you pull me close or push me away you decide..... |
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current mood: sick of lies current music: |
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| Hideing | Feb 23, 07 @ 7:50pm |
| bleeding in this empty cage
fist clecnched heart filled with rage but pretend to smile is all I can do and hope that no one sees im bleeding through wishing for the freedom I say I have wanting the courage to face the fear clawing at the walls doesnt change a thing I wont get closer to escape by crying so I hold it all inside waiting til the day I feel alive I tell myself to hold on just a little longer to just keeep smileing and cry later I want so badly to just let go I'm sick of trying so hard not to let this show but then again who wants to know? |
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current mood: sad current music: |
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