My thoughts are:
| Unpacking things. | Apr 9, 13 @ 1:30pm |
| Is kind of tricky when you don't have much to unpack them into. you know? Some of the stuff I'm waiting on shelves to unpack onto.
I also have a number of financial burdens that need to be looked over. like curtains... for the whole house...... On top of that, I still have things on my nursing application list that are waiting to be paid for and done. The hope I have is that I'll get a substitute teaching job for summer school and in an even more perfect world, I'll get to keep my job at bealls in the mean time. Is that hoping for too much? That I can sub durring the week and on the weekends work at bealls and enjoy a flush summer? Not to mention how fat my college savings would be for the fall... Hell... what if I didn't get in? pshaw! I would test for a teachers certificate and be done with it! Its a good enough career for an academic like myself. substitute teaching seems to be sturdy enough as it is. I'm willing to bet it wont be as easy as all that, it rarely is. Every time things look this way they all ways seem to have a harsh reality in the end. Time will march on, and I will update everyone when I know.... |
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current mood: casse' current music: |
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| Still alive. | Apr 2, 13 @ 10:44pm |
| I just had to move is all. Its a beautiful house and now we're in the process of unpacking and getting settled.
I will also brag that I'm making some hard cider to enjoy when my sister gets here. I am also trying to make something like "lemoncello" that italian liqueur that looked so good on "Under the tuscan sun" Interested to see how that turns out too. There is a test coming up on thursday so Ill be studying for that and Ill have to put off unboxing and shelving things until afterwards. I am the queen of unpacking though so Im thinking it wont take long to unpack all the boxes and sort them into their respective rooms. After that its just a simple issue of furniture. yay! |
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current mood: satysfied current music: |
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| Posting here because its still kind of a secret | Feb 5, 13 @ 1:31pm |
| We are moving in a month to a beautiful house. I need to start packing. The late winter months are always so sapping for my energy. This year I've fought it, Hopefully my energy will come back and Ill start packing.
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| The old hangin tree | Jan 30, 13 @ 10:47pm |
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| ~reactivates my account~ woooow, its been awhile... | Jan 30, 13 @ 10:17pm |
| yea..'cause it has...
I have that weird beginning of the year depression people seem to go through. I'm functional all year round but january just is cold and wet...and I wanna hibernate. ~fetal position under the quilt~ February is around the corner ~dramatic music~ Its not that I don't like the holiday its just a bunch of emotional baggage. It reminds me of all those years I was alone on the holiday. I kinda get mad at the conversations I over hear. Girlfriends who pitch fits. boyfriends who freak out... its weird. the chocolate isn't even good. bleh! My ideal valentines is spending all day in bed snuggling with shane....sex is optional but really we just like stay in bed watching lord of the rings, big bang theory, or even the star trek or star wars stuff. dine on lindor truffles... best valentines ever. My new years resolution has been to find peace and to be happier. I shop a lot and mostly thats to make myself happy. I want to spend less time on computery stuff and more time in real life doing real things that make me happy.... like dance...and art... and housey stuff... writing this blog is kinda highlights how i lack conviction to be that way right now. and my drawing table is currently inhabited by my micro book and a christmas tree that screams "PUT ME AWAY" hopefully as the year progresses I'll clock less time on mr. compy... |
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current mood: winter blahs... current music: Blackmore's Night- Hangin tree |
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| sculpting. | Sep 7, 12 @ 10:58pm |
| the other boot has not dropped with sculpting... true i did just drop 60 bucks on tools but i view those as one time expenses and that still, the first sculpture sold will pay for all overhead with some change...
Also, like everything. I enjoy sculpting. since its not so expensive i dont get so agitated at mistakes, and i've always got a lump of fimo next to my monitor for when im super bored and want to put my hands on something. dark clay doesn't show as much grime and is easily packed for trips where i expect to do alot of sitting. The long and short is, i might can work at my day job past october but i see a carreer falling out of my love of this eventually... assuming the sculptures sell... |
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current mood: buzzed from a bud limarita current music: Icecream man- tom waits |
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| yea... its a christian's rant. don't read this if you're prone to flames... | Jul 13, 12 @ 11:52pm |
| I feel like I'm one of the few christians who actually IS a christian. I try to live a good life though I'm no saint. A part of being a christian is accepting your sinfull nature- science has proven we are prone to lie, cheat, and steal. Then asking to be forgiven and then forgiving yourself. Its not about guilt or hate or anything like that. "For god so loved the world, he gave his only begotten son, and who so ever believes in him, shall have ever lasting life." there isn't any fine print to that. except that "For all have sinned and come short in the glory of god." That means no one is perfect, god knows that and he forgives you for it.
Now here is what pisses me off... I'm too much of a critical thinker to go to church because i correct the sunday school teacher and the other students when they go on a "those satan worshipers" rant... Then they think I'm a "satan worshiper" because I know the difference. That makes me an outcast in that church, and its the same no matter where I go.... So I hung out with pagans, wiccans, and etc hoping for some open minded conversation. NO! then they wouldn't listen to me about getting it wrong about christianity which is JUST AS BAD!!! Then they think im some hipocritical super saved megalomaniac and I become an outcast... No matter which side you go its the same, so why change? I am happy in my faith! I have seen too much that confirms my belief in God. Ignorant rednecks who fancy themselves "True pagans" are no better than the "Pure Blooded" christian rednecks. you're following the same beliefs you're just calling them something different! Then what really peeves me is that its a war on all fronts!!! There is tons of anti christian propaganda being spewed out onto me by the media. My friends think it affirms their intelligence to post these things on their twitters and face books. It is in movies, in music, in books, in art... I am attacked on all sides and no one is doing anything. I am a logical, critical thinking, skeptical person! I don't believe in luck or psychics or any superstitions like that. I'm not crazy! Jesus was a real person and I believe he was (is? help me on the tense of that, god knows what i mean..talking about Jesus sometimes is more difficult than referring to Schrodinger's cat!!) christ, and that his execution was to save my soul! You think that's superstitious? go shove a rabbits foot up your ass! I'm tired of being told I am stupid just because I have faith in something. Its stupid to not have beliefs! People are more easily controlled when they have no beliefs or faith to hold them back.. Where are my religious freedoms? What's next? Hate crimes against christians because of our faith? a couple thousand years too late for that buddy!! I swear there is a conspiracy here... somewhere. maybe something along the lines of " If they don't have a moral code they're more easily manipulated?" or maybe "A mob that has lost hope is more easily controlled" those guys in black suits have been at this for more than a century now... do you really think this whole problem is you....hahaha, and you call me crazy... |
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current mood: frustrated. current music: Chocolate Jesus- Tom Waits |
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| procrastination nation.. | Jun 7, 12 @ 10:57am |
| WAS going to iron but i procrastinated.. bleh.
I work 6 straight days probably 7 once the next weeks schedule hits. I don't know whats going to happen when but it will. I go through periods of depression like this. Crap piles up and things just don't get done. mostly its because Im either at work or asleep. i miss the good old days of school where i could spend the day cleaning up and the house always looked so nice... bleh. Not that I'm complaining mind you, I love my job and I am entering into a new phase of peace in my life. Peace. The word makes me sleepy. (everything makes me sleepy right now but peace is the most signifigant) I have several projects in the works. First to be finished is my rose bracelet. Im one or two roses away from a full bracelet. I sculpted roses out of fimo and made a bracelet. Ill prolly gloss them when im done. then I want to make my first ever sculpture. i need to commit to a design. If i dont get some kind of concept art down my indecision will ruin the work. I am confident about my materials though. I have enough tape, wire, and foil to make a hundred armatures (and then some) and clay is about 3 bucks a pack. a larger pack (makes at least 5 dolls) is 20. I see my real cost here is coming from clay because everything else was stupid easy and cheep to get. Its not been like stained glass which is a crazy expensive hobby. theres another side to this somewhere... |
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current mood: thoughtfull current music: good enough-evanescence |
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| Character development? | Feb 5, 12 @ 9:18am |
| Had a dream last night
Shane was a "stand in" for some absent guy. they had the same name and everything(except shane b was black?) but when this guy came back (from where ever) I was supposed to be with him. Well, he comes back and I tell him i can't be with him because I have to much emotion invested in my shane(original shane A) I spend my dream wandering around with my shane and out of the corner of my eye shane b follows us. There were also big pool towards the end of the dream and I was on a swim team but it just got disbanded for some reason. (funding?) |
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current mood: dreading work. current music: "Whiskey on a Sunday" |
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| Grief | Jan 31, 12 @ 9:55am |
| Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. I have to brain dump this somewhere...
personally im somewhere between the 4th and 5th stage. I skipped bargaining, or it was so brief I can't recall going through it. Have you ever watched someone truly grieve. I'm not talking about crying and wailing for days on end. That is only a part of the symptoms. First, I got busy. I cleaned, and scrubbed. I guess my bargaining happened when I excused myself from the funeral because "I couldn't afford it" or "Didn't have the time". Then I was angry. Thing is that when i get mad, I usually introvert myself to understand the "Why". I didn't this time, anger built and built. Then I blew up at shane over a small thing (which i would usually roll my eyes at) and thats when the depression hit. This is the "crying stage" usually the most obvious, and the favorite of the emo kids. (sorry guys) I will allow myself today to mope and finish moving from 4 to 5. This is what I admire in other cultures. (non-american) They have allowences, even rules that force you to face your grief. which I am a huge advocate. grieve well friends. |
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current mood: bereft. current music: danse macabre |
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