MizRee's Musings
| Yes | Oct 30, 09 @ 1:45am |
| So. I think I've decided to do something a little radical.
For at LEAST the next month---maybe longer, who knows-- I am going to say yes to every person (within sanity and safety's reason) who asks me out. I realize that though I've changed a lot of things about myself that I never thought I would or even that I cared to change- I'm still highly critical of people. And this has left me virtually friendless and dateless and thus loveless. I mean you can only love yourself just so much. Ha. (Not funny, I know.) I write people off because of this reason or that, mostly making excuses, but I keep forgetting that I am just as weird, just as focused on trying to travel a path of happiness to the end of eternity. What makes me any better than the man on the bus who wants to hold my hand, just so he doesn't feel alone- even if it's just til the next stop? What makes me any more deserving of love than the girl who sits on the other end of the park table, peeking at me over her book? Why should I ignore these people? Because I'm selfish? Because I think I'm better than them? I'd like to think not-- I'd like to think I've come a little farther than that. Anyways, this is my decree: For the next 30 days (perhaps longer), I will say yes to every man and woman and it that wants to get to know me. Yes to conversation, yes to dinner, yes maybe to a movie: yes to round one. No other guaranteed affirmatives. There will be disasters, assuredly. But who knows? Maybe I'll find love, maybe friendship, maybe I'll run screaming in the other direction after date one--but that's the adventure. Wish me luck. |
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current mood: Brave current music: Stay Monkey- Julie Ruin |
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| Rain | Apr 12, 09 @ 5:37pm |
| I went walking in the rain just now. I had no where really important to go; most everything was closed anyway because of Easter. I simply went walking just to walk. In the rain. I very easily may catch a cold now and I couldn't care less. I love walking in the rain: how everything smells, looks, and feels. And I came to the realization that I've been here almost a year...and this is the first time I have just walked in the rain. I believe I had one day, shortly after moving here, where I ran out in the middle of a surprise 5-minute downpour, but I had to remain mostly respectable for work. I could hardly enjoy it...but I had to run out anyway, letting the rain rush over my face.
I like walking in the rain. I like watching all the people who run to and fro, rushing to get out of the rain as quickly as they can. I always have a private laugh at them; as I am walking as slowly as I can, soaking up more than just the water. I really can't think of too much more that relaxes me to that level. It's soothing to have a private audience with the world, simply because I'm willing to be there under no restrictions, completely on its terms. It isn't even a lonely thing for me; I've become all too accustomed to people letting me wander by myself, too afraid to get their hair wet, have their makeup run, they don't want to catch a cold, or simply because they are too lazy and self-absorbed to think something so natural...is beautiful. I am not worried about any of these, nor do I despise people who feel this way. I suppose it isn't for everyone. But if I had one wish for the world, it would be that maybe someday, everyone will get to see the world the way only those who walk in the rain do...and if that happens? I'll walk with you. |
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current mood: Calm current music: Pills- The Perishers |
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| Ahhh this was a great laugh | Apr 7, 09 @ 4:16pm |
| Don't mess with the Easter Bunny! |
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current mood: Amused current music: Sentimental Heart- She and Him |
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| What the HELL?!!....not a survey, not a fwd... | Apr 3, 09 @ 11:53pm |
| .....just a disgusting glance at a bit of humanity. What the hell is wrong with people?? Is this what the world is seriously coming to?? Now, personally, I have to agree with AFP on this one: "I don’t think you need me to launch into a long blog about WHY it should be a person’s personal choice about whether to shave their head, armpits, face, nether regions, (ahem) eyebrows or legs. the answer, to any thinking person, should be pretty fucking obvious. whatever floats your boat, friend. end of story. This, ALSO, on AFP latest blog: "...but when i see things like this i get so sad- especially after getting a manicure a few months ago and asking the manicurist what was wrong, because she was furrowing her brow and acting all serious and weird and well….something was wrong. she told me that she’d just had a really fucked up experience because a mother had brought her 11-year old into the salon for a bikini wax. she had felt really morally weird about giving the 11-year old the bikini wax and so she refused to do it, and the mother bitched her out and caused a scene and left, and now the chick was all shaken up, giving me my manicure." Why, people....why? |
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current mood: disturbed.... current music: This Is That New Song- Badly Drawn Boy |
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| Click (Dream) | Feb 26, 09 @ 8:24pm |
| The boy with the gun keeps haunting my dreams. Haunting my home, my streets...the things that make me smile, with a game of Russian Roulette that I never agreed to play. Click.Click.Click. The hammer hits, the sound making the bile rise in my throat. It falls against an empty chamber. I become more angry and defiant with each new night. Each new sacrilegical invasion of my private thoughts. Either shoot me or don't. I see him shoot others, the people who stand around me. He laughs coldly at my defiance as if he knows. He knows when he is going to shoot me. He knows when the game will end. Click.Click.Click. And with my life resting in his hands, I hit the ground with everyone who surrounds me as the shots ring out. But I am the first to rise, walking on. Ignoring him as he laughs. Click.Click.Click. Boom? |
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current mood: Defiant current music: Jolene- Dolly Parton |
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| Philosophy 208B | Jan 30, 09 @ 12:09am |
| Bits and pieces of the lecture...filter through the haze.
To all outward appearance...I'm paying absolute, unwavering attention. But I'm not...My mind is spinning; reeling through Wonderland. "Certainly someone with a great deal of influence..." My mind is making no connection, at least in relation to Greek Philosophy. Far away from what justice is, Plato and Socrates become you and I. No one could ever guess the visual drama playing out behind my eyes. "The appetites are bestial things..." Appetites. I can think of some of them...certain tastes of danger. These long-fallen dormant, now awoken, ravenous and reckless. Roiling, boiling, thought-consuming...so like an angry, wild beast. "...The Noble Lie..." Dare I even tread here? Should I join them, they who speak with questions? For a moment, I feel my mental breath, the moment before you walk away. And still I sign my name in blood, agreeing to every line of unreadable fine print. "Justice is the benefit of the weaker..." These thoughts shouldn't belong, but the fact they're here... The fact that they've taken up residence so soundly makes me want to smile. I find my lips curving involuntary, and the reverie snaps... "Philosophy prevails!" |
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current mood: shocked current music: Simple Man |
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| So as of Now | Jan 28, 09 @ 12:51pm |
| So. I just wanted to say...I'm really happy with where my life is right now. Sure, I have no money, no job...I am going to a college that I don't know how I'm going to pay for, and a new set of teeth would be nice... But I Am Happy. I am. Aside from the usual grumbles about the cold when I wake up, I ENJOY getting out of bed. It isn't a task or a chore. It isn't the last thing in the whole big, wide world that I want to do. For the first time in years, I feel content.
Things are going to happen or they won't. Yes, I understand that effort is still required, but in doing the best that I can from day to day and not pushing myself to diving out over the cliff of a brain-snap, I enjoy who I am as a person. I have appreciation for all of the things that I CAN do, and am trying to learn understanding for the things that I cannot. And in trying to understand instead of despising...Well, the smile on my face?? ...It's real. |
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current mood: content current music: Imogen Heap |
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