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The best part of tonight was Billy choking a dude out in the bar, but I get kicked out for fingering a girl. WTF??? Anyway, Her: "I'm an alcoholic." Me: "How'd you realize it?" Her: "I woke up with a bag of wine as my pillow." I can top that. Instead of drunk, people should say; "my blood alcohol is content". Imagine the look on a cop's face after saying that. If I was a cop though, I'd make the breathalyzer in the shape of a penis. "If you'd just blow into this for me please", yes my job and personal life would definitely be on the same wave length. Speaking of personal life, I think I would rather masturbate with a knife and die alone than online date again. It's like having an imaginary girlfriend who gives you just as much bullshit as a physical girlfriend, but no sex what so ever. WHERE THE FUCK IS THE JUST REWARD IN THAT? Seriously. Sometimes I like to pull my own hair during sex....stupid online dating. This morning though, I woke up and the hottest girl was in my bed. I mean she was on fire. Literally. I guess she got struck by lightning and started to melt. She was hot, I tell ya. So hot I had to throw a bucket of water on her, & tell her the fire dept will be here soon. Guys! Not getting along with your lover? Don't break up, GET PREGNANT! Babies fix everything, just ask my divorced parents. Ya know something else, I think the weirdest part of being a cutter is this pesky boner. Probably another reason they split right there, ahah. I need constant validation, but truthfully, I hate it when people pay attention to me. Unless you're bringing me pizza. and I fucking love it when you order pizza and a hot girl is delivering it to you. I seriously thought that only happened in porn. I definitely would have made a move if I wasn't already expecting some acne covered bean pole with meth mouth and shitty tattoos. ha Well, anyways, it's still a full moon out, & I'm thinking I need to do a little more bar hopping. I love how Nevada has no last calls AND you can smoke in the bars while picking up cheap white trash who dig anal kidney punching dirty sanchezes while I choke them with their own panties before recieving a deep throating blowjob & cumming all over their face. Why did I ever leave here? THIS PLACE IS BEYOND THUNDERDOME! I'd also like to have a threesome with a girl who has low self esteem and her competitive friend. Wonder who will win, best out of three? Me, DUH! Alas, I will not throw caution to the wind! Somewhere out there, a ravenous blood sick creature known as a Snooki is fiending to give me crabs! I shall pull up discovery channel tube videos in hopes of attaining a method for neutralizing this unclean beast should I encounter it in the wild...or one of it's kin. But hopefully all I'll need is a good distraction and a can of bear mace. Time for me to get going, but remember kids; it's not an insult if it's accurate, AND opinions are NOT like assholes because you can't fuck an opinion! Now SHUT THE FUCK UP DS I'm out of here! PEACE!